Just a Beautiful Disaster
by azngrrlstine
Summary: Its so hard to see you go.. but its even harder to walk away...a DHr fic. OneShot. COMPLETE.


Disclaimer: I'd buy out Harry Potter except JK Rowling isnt willing to give up legal rights.

Draco/Hermione fic.

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As the grandfather clock tolled at midnight from afar, Hermione was gracefully sitting on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower, and as always she was the first to arrive. She turned her head slightly to look at the door but it still hadn't budged open, so she let out a small sigh and she returned her gaze back to the outside world. It was almost Christmas holidays and the sight before her couldn't be more breathtakingly beautiful than it was at that exact moment. The trees were laden with snow like icing on a cake meanwhile the vast grounds of Hogwarts were covered in a thick blanket of pure white. Such a wonderful sight that would be ruined the next day by students trampling through it. Hermione felt serene at the sight of such calm, a hard managed feat in such dire of times with Voldemort on the rise. As Head Girl, she cannot help but feel helpless; a girl with such high status unable to protect every one of Hogwart's students. But for tonight, she decided to let the worry slide and engulf the warmth this cold night lends to her. 

She hears the door creak slightly and a click momentarily afterwards. She smiles slightly to herself before she masks her face with calm and turns around to face the visitor.

"You're late. Again." Hermione states, looking at him.

"Head Boy duties. Gotta make sure Potty and Weasel arent sneaking around. Wouldn't want to miss my opportunity to strip points, would i?" Draco smirked as he said this.

"I told you to stop calling them that!" Hermione exasperately spoke while tossing her hands in the air for effects.

"I'll stop calling them that ('for tonight' he silently adds to himself) if you come over here right now and lay one on me." He slyly grins and uses his index finger to sensually touch his lips showing exactly what he wants.

Hermione narrows her eyes knowing full well that he'll keep his promise only for a few hours at best. Yet she cant seem to deny her want to kiss him senseless. With her hands on her hips and her lips pursed, she debates what she wants to do.

Draco was starting to get nervous; she seemed so tense tonight and her getting mad about calling her so-called friends 'Potty and Weasel' seems ridiculous. There has to be something else thats getting to her; and yet even in her obvious annoyed state, Draco couldn't help but look at her and think she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He didnt even care if she kissed him or not like he said; all he wants is to hold her and keep her from harm's way.

_He drowns in his dreams  
An exquisite extreme I know  
He's as damned as he seems  
And more heaven than a heart could hold_

However un-Slytherin like that is- Slytherin's only watch out for themselves- he couldnt help but feel this huge urge to protect her and love her.

Hermione watched as different emotions played on Draco's face and although he usually held a mask of indifference, he let himself become unguarded around her, allowing her to see the real him. Not the cold-hearted bastard that Malfoy Sr. was, but who Draco was, who he is, who he can become. The one that changed because he fell for her.

And thats the man she fell in love with.

And if I try to save him  
My whole world could cave in  
It just ain't right  
It just ain't right

Even though they love each other, it was kept a secret- the entire affair. Outside of the Astronomy Tower, they kept up with the snide remarks, though Draco rarely let a Mudblood comment slide out with the rest of his remarks and Hermione tried to keep Ferret Boy to a minumum. But it was a facade, a facade that could be the difference of being alive and dead. For if anyone ever found out, they'd be sought out and killed.

Hermione was still looking at him and saw the many different emotions: love, yearning, desire, fear, apprehension, more love..

and she couldnt help but return that look of love.

_Oh and i don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

'Wait a second.. Fear? Apprehension? Why is he feeling these things? What's going on?' She thought in a slight panicking mode.

"Draco? Is everything alright?" She asked with caution.

Draco quickly snapped out of his daze as he realized he had been staring at her for some time now.

"Huh? oh. yeah yeah. just fine." He said as he walked up to her snaked an arm around her waist.

He stared into her brown eyes for a moment.. then leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. She returned the kiss with fevor and deepened it. From the outside it looked like any other night, but she could feel the desperation in it; the need to feel every ounce of love and passion...

almost as though this would be their last kiss.

He's magic and myth As strong as what I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see

She broke the kiss and tilted her head up to look into his stormy, grey eyes. She stiffened as she saw the last look of love... and then they hardened.

Draco took a step back from her and lost the contact between the two bodies. Hermione felt cold all of a sudden and felt a shiver go down her spine.

"Draco?" She looked at him questioningly.

"Get away from me... Mudblood." and he turned his head away from her, making it look like disgust even though it was because he didnt want her to see the pain in his eyes.

She could always read him like a book.

Hermione gasped as it registered what he had called her. He hadnt done that since their 5th year- at least not in private.

"Wh..Wha...?" She stuttered out ungracefully.

"You really thought i loved you? A powerful pureblood like me going for the likes of a mudblood, a mudblood like you? Your not as smart as everyone said you are, Granger."

Anger captivated her and tears of hurt formed at the corner of her eyes. "So now we're back to Mudblood and Granger are we? I thought you were better than that. I thought you were different."

_Oh cuz I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_

"Or maybe im just THAT good.. making YOU believe that I would love filth like you." He drawled in his old, cruel way.

Hermione felt like she had been stung. How could he do this to her? Was it all a hoax? That he whispered sweet nothings to her at night, that when he held her.. she felt safe for those few moments?

She had nothing more to say. He had said it all. She was a fool for believing in something that could have been real. But she was wrong and she let her heart take control instead of her head. You cant have both controlling.. only one or the other.. and her heart won out this round.

I'm longing for love and the logical

They stood there in silence... and the silence became more uncomfortable and tense. Draco sneered as the moments passed on..

"Are you just goin to stand there all day Mudblood?"

She didnt reply. She looked at him intently for a while then slowly walked towards to door. As she put her hand on the doorknob, she turned her head slightly.

"Why?" She quietly, but demandingly asked.

He glared at her and said, "Because... it seemed like fun. Messing with your bushy head."

She nodded at the statement and left.

Left him behind.

He sighed in defeat and pulled out a piece of parchment and quill.

Christmas holidays came and went.. and Draco never returned to Hogwarts.

Mysterious rumours went flying around but eventually they did die down.

Hermione kept up an air of indifference but inside she was dying inside. From the cold that he left her in. She just couldnt find warmth in her heart anymore.

As graduation approached, everyone chattered excitingly about plans, marriage, families, jobs and basically.. life after hogwarts.

But Hermione could only think of one thing: Draco. still.

And as the evening approached for the ceremony, Hermione was sitting on her bed, all dressed up in her special robes and staring wistfully out her window. A screech was heard as an owl dropped off a letter. She questioningly looked at the owl but he was already on his way off. She picked up the letter and opened it:

_Dear Hermione, _

By the time you receive this letter, I will be gone and you will be about an hour away from the final ceremony. This letter (and owl) has been charmed to approach you.

I am writing this just moments after our last meeting at our special place. Do you even remember how we met? We both happened to be on our way to the astronomy tower to stare at the stars.. and after (and during) the banter, your knowledge and fascination with the stars fascinated me. And i knew right there and then that you werent some phony or a know it all. you were heavenly. godsent. and powerful.

So why am i sending you a letter after the harsh goodbye i had left you with? Because. I never meant anything I said. but i had to. or else you would have gone looking for me after i leave. i had to go. i had no choice. i know you always tell me that i do have a choice. but at the same time, i dont. my father wants me to become a death eater. it has been his 'dream' for his heir to bow to the Dark Lord and obey his every command. As much as i despise to bow down to anyone (save for you) i dont have the courage to defy my father. Im not a Gryffindor.. I cant stand up for what i believe is right. us slytherins... we're cunning and plan things according to what works for us.. not against us. and defying my father and the Dark Lord would lead to my death.. as well as yours. and I cant let you die on my account. Im sure by now your face is red with anger (i love it when you get all huffy) and that your thinking to yourself that you can defend yourself. But dont you see? I had to do what i thought was best. I had to leave and hurt you in order to save you.

So after this letter, I am sealing my fate. I am joining the Death Eaters. Please dont hunt me down after reading. They'll only kill you if not torture you first. I cant bear the thought if you die. Because thats the thing that keeps me going; the fact that you're still alive and living.. that one day, once Potter kills the Dark Lord, that we will be free from this prison and our love will lead us back together.

Because never doubt it. I love you with all my heart.

But unlike you, i think with my head and i know that things must be done in order for you to be loved and safe.

If i ever do bump into you at a dark vs light showdown.. please forgive the man you see. remember that inside he is hurting at the fact that he might hurt you.

Because that man that you may face is not me. I used to be that man. but you changed me.

You made me the man i am. the man who had to sacrifice between righteous and happiness. So please keep living. keep loving. if you find someone else.. love them with all your heart. because your love can make any man feel like its worth living a thousand lives.

dont worry about me.. if your smiling.. im smiling with you.

Love always,

Draco Malfoy

**He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take  
Oh cuz I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
Such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
_Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster_**

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Disclaimer: song belongs to Kelly Clarkson; Beautiful Disaster


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